Loving the loathing life

I have no idea what it says about certain fans who never outgrow their hatred for the enemy teams of their youth, whether it means they're developmentally arrested, emotionally challenged, insane, or just plain stupid. Whatever it says, then label me all of the above, because I hate the Red Sox, and as former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips would say, I hate them "more than a little bit."

I wouldn't want to eat in a restaurant where Sox fans ate. I wouldn't take a job in Boston if it paid 'screw you' money. I wouldn't go to my daughter's wedding if she ever decided to marry a Sox fan (she wouldn't). If my best friend (whose a Phillies fan) got hit by a truck and suffered a life-changing head injury, and one of those life changes led to him wearing a Sox cap, he'd need a new best friend.

I know these things, because I know I never want to go to prison, which is where I would end up if I were ever forced into any of the above situations. I once stabbed a man through the wrist with a pencil because he beat me at cards and he was wearing a Celtics arm band. What would happen to me if I had to hang around Sox fans after a Yankee loss? I don't want to think about it.

It's a Yankee-Red Sox weekend, and I'm prepared to break a few things, like a remote control, a glass of Coke, or a few knuckles on the wall near the TV, maybe even a blood vessel near the brain. But all of that is okay. It would be better to have a baseball-induced stroke while sitting alone in a Taiwan apartment than it would be to share a single molecule of oxygen with any fan of those red-clad jackasses from New England.

Having said that, here's a preview of tonight's game:

Wang rarely right in Boston

In Chien-Ming Wang's two and a half seasons with the Yankees, 34 players have accumulated 15 or more at bats against him. Those 34 batters are a combined 216-for-687 (.314 BA/.396 OBP).

Of those 34 players, seven are currently on the Red Sox roster -- Julio Lugo, Mike Lowell, Coco Crisp, Kevin Youkilis, Jason Varitek, Manny Ramirez, and the Boston DH. Those seven players have hung Wang out to dry in a way that is just scary. Combined, those Red Sox hitters are 53-for-167 with 15 extra-base hits (including five home runs) against the Yankee ace, with a .317 average and a ridiculous .497 on-base percentage (Youkilis alone has worked eight walks of Wang). And no one makes Wang suffer as Manny does: 13-for-22, .591/.654, with a pair of home runs and four walks. Five ninety-one!!??

It isn't all bad, however. Wang did beat the Sox three times in five starts last season, and the Yankee ace is a respectable 2-3 lifetime at Fenway Park, but -- there's always a but -- with a shaky 6.17 ERA. In his last start in Boston (Sept. 15), Wang was tortured for five earned runs on nine hits in just five and 2/3 innings of a 10-1 Red Sox rout.

(On the opposite side of the ledger, Wang has struck out the above Red Sox contingent a combined 22 times, and Lugo has whiffed six times against Wang, more than any other batter Wang has faced.)

It's a new year, maybe a new Wang as far as Fenway is concerned. As a new Yankee blogger, I may invent a few new words if I'm writing after a particularly tough loss this weekend. But there's no sense in worrying ahead of time. Let's have faith in Wang and let's hope Manny slips on a fake dreadlock extension and rips his knee in 75 places.

Mold that Clay

The Yankees have no history against upstart Red Sox starter Clay Buckholz, but that's no reason not to hate him and wish ill upon him. He had a so-what no-hitter last September and is 0-1 with a 5.40 ERA this season. Let's not waste any more time or space on him. The Yankees have a chance to ruin this kid's life tonight.

There's always hope.

Whither Derek Jeter?

Will the Yankee captain play tonight? Will Giambi make a go of it? Can Jorge do anything with that lifeless limb? ...... Who cares? Remember your Henry V, and Wish not one man more!

This team, as is, is ready to roll. One of the benefits of this injury streak is the flowering of Alberto Gonzalez and the emergence of Jose Molina as terrific role players who can handle every-day duties. Let's dance with whomever brings us to Boston.

T-sh*t Controversy

And to this loser who thinks he did something original by burying a Red Sox t-shirt under the visitor's locker room at the new Yankee Stadium, don't get hurt patting yourself on that yellow streak down your back. Any jackass can make a claim that's unverifiable. Go buy 100 copies of the New York Post and wallpaper your mother's basement.

And if the shirt really is there, I hope the Yankees dig up the spot and build a toilet over the thing. It would only be fitting, since we've been shitting on the Red Sox for almost a century, anyway.